jux popping by to see how long has it been since i last blogged..almost deleted but im back..which i dont for how long i can stay...mia memanjang..
well, lyfe then was productive untill everything came crashing down untill i dont have a penny to my name...well, im a spender...
feel so odd and boring..and at this age i havent achieve anything yet in lyfe...im so disappointed and shameful of myself..i cant afford to see my grandparents also untill they complaint not seeing mr for so long and they missed me...im aware of that but i cant afford..until last wkend i finally see them for my cousins wedding...aku nih syahdu siket walaupun muke legend and fierce...i cried when they asks why i nvr visit them...its not that i dont want..rase berat nk pegy je kene pakse baru pegy...i mean malukan orang tau pasal keburukan kte...mmg dgn family tkyah malu tpi im private person..aku tak akan ckp pape unless org initiate..
thats about me that i think my mom dont understand...she likes to share wherelse me i rather keep unless really nid to...even about my current bf ive yet to tell her but shes suspecting it alrdy...actually im set that unless i get married than its appropriate to tell..
but i give in to my previous ex..hes a family oriented guy..he does everything he could for his family..more to his family than his life...like my dad...tpi jodoh tak sekuat rase syg..tuh je yang dpt dikata...but im greatful to know,to have him as part of my life..thank god and thank you for loving me..appreciate all the things youve done for me..i pray for your happiness and youll find a better girl than me..;)
and for SD, if you happens to read this,
i accept you for wad you are and i love you...happens that you want to know about my history, ill be willing to share...but if not, our journey has started..
Be with me
complicate Saturday, 24 December 2011 23:40
almost a month since i last blogged...well, unfortunately this post is gonna be about the same as previous....things are getting more complicated....i thot to let go would be easier but i just cant....and, we still contacting each other lyke nth happen but much differ tho'...keeping by the quote ive been holding....if you love somebody set them free...am i ready? shld i or shldnt i?i wasnt expecting things end this fast....i see us as the future but u stop our relation...tpi ape ade pade status? but still....im not certain and i feel insecure....afraid that i wont be able to hold on much longer this way....i wanted to wait and see wad life has to offer me after wad happen lately, but then again im afraid i cldnt coz i hate it when pple make me wait unless i initiate to wait....its a total different thing and if only you understand and feel me...i think so not....coz youre not me at all...not blaming anyone but the thing....unless ure me or went thru somehow wad im going thru then somehow it will relate....i feel lyke im jux not worth his attention,his off days anymore....as he always been working.....i know i shld be supportive and understand but y'know i jux have this feelings coming...his off days when he has, its always for his girlbestfren which he jux knew and he spends more time with her than me......................it could be temporary but may be for long....hopefully not!!jealous? gf yg bodoh je tak tao nk jealous kat bf dier.....of coz i do.....his off days are meant to be for his family then me and then his frens......of coz, we can talk it out.....
idk.
wad shall i say,wad shall i do? Friday, 25 November 2011 16:54
complicated,messed up...
dier buat aku tk keruan...dier stress mcm tkde arah tujuan skrg dier pass feeling tuh kat aku..i feel insecure...and everytime i feel that way,ill start asking him many-many question....only time will reveal, when he'll give up on me....
sometimes i feel he really needs me to be with him...but sometimes otherwise....i dont know wad to do now...shld i wait? or shld i leave him completely....either way i go, we'll both get hurt....too hurtful for me this round of relationship, i feel numb....hahaha....
i thot of giving up,just to go along with the time...let things comes naturally....im tired of finding new love...pple of my age most of them are in a relationship at least....and now,im back to square...and i feel awkward....and just yesterday i bumped into an old friend and she says, better be single coz nowadays guys a hard to be trusted....better be single?? used to but since last two years im used to date the same guy and happy with him and now, we dont talk much...scary shit and super sad...lovers turn friends and acting strangers....im not totally prepared for that....im seeing us as the future...many plans ahead and looks like god stops it coz he's trying to say my fate is not to be with him but for now, i just want to be with him and only him...no offence,god....god,i know you mean well but bear with m while im recovering,please...
please give me strength and guide me thru this journey of my life well...god,i need you...i need him too but seems that he only wants me....idk...im all confused.he made me this way...november is ending so is 2011...
i want to start a fresh for the new year but im afraid to hurt him...maybe ill strive untill end of year since its not far away and see how things goes by....he might be serving the nation soon but not so soon....by then he will be with the guys had no time for other girls except me....or wad if he had no time for me or worst dont need me at all...
hahaha! see how paranoid i am....setiap pertemuan akan berakhir dgn perpisahan...lumrah dunia...
signing off from tgc....
taif pple :)
wad am i to you? Saturday, 12 November 2011 09:54
most interesting thing ever in my life...ive got stalkers...lol!
i controlled access of my fb account and so every soul that make it thru my account, auto generated email will be sent to my email with their IP address...owkay, thats natural...nth weird enuf...so that's one...
the second thing is,i wasnt particular of the emails fb sent for me but untill just now....of coz,im aware of my own IP address but i received emails of unknown IP address too....not one,not two...but,6 IP addresses...i didnt realised that i am that popular and seems that im sharing my private fb to 6 other souls which i dont know even who...thats creepy...
the third to count is,previously, only beau and me knows my fb password, all because he asked and for fun, i gave it to him...well, i have nth to hide from him....but, i changed my password recently so now only me that knows my own password...a day after all the email with IP adds was sent to my mail...
even if beau access to my account behind my back, i would only received one email...but i had 6 IP adds...
so far, after my password changed...no emails from fb,YET! HAHAHAHA!!
i just dont understand...why me? why must me? its just a normal fb account...and im not that active in fb nowadays...
so,stalkers have fun cracking ur brains to gain access to my fb account....you succeed the first time,let see if you make it this time...ill be watching...toods!
